It's that time of the year when people get all nostalgic about the year that just went by.One is filled with immense positivity for the year ahead. Now instead of brooding over important events of last year (like my neighbour not returning the non stick kadai pan she borrowed 2 months back :P) I shall give my predictions for the coming few decades in advance. Dear Bejan Daruwalla ,You're welcome!
The Year is 2060.
Yerwada Jail has opened a night club , swimming pool & spa for it's freelance celeb jail inmates so they have a comfortable stay out there.
Cricket has
taken a bigger form throughout India. National level athletes are given free
Bhaag Milkha Bhaag DVDs to console them for their insignificance .
China has taken over full Kashmir after extending into Indian territory in leaps & bounds .Ever since the advent of 'authentic chinese cuisine' restaurants over every nook & corner of the country serving dishes like Idli Manchurian & doing immense typos over 1 word 'Schezwan' it would not be wrong to say we tempted China to go against us.
Indian
residents have conquered Mars too thanks to tightening of visa rules for USA green card.Patel community
has successfully launched a prospering F &B business on Mars aptly called 'Dhoklas R Us' .
The Punjabi
population has officially surpassed the
natives in Canada & Christmas is no longer a national holiday,Gurunanak Jayanti
is. (FYI Santa gifts hot aloo parathas too!! )
Priyanka
Chopra has released her 40th album with a black american thereby improving IndoAfrica
relationships which fell into a rough patch many years back thanks to a local
political party putting Akon's photo instead of Mandela on hoardings to pay
their tribute to him on his death.
Used to do this during hostel days to predict what was for dinner. Sadly no divine intervention can save you when the stars above & Lauki & Karele ki subzi in store for you :(
Aakash
tablets have become bestsellers specially since people discovered better uses
for them like warming their coffee mugs.
Mumbai has
just launched rolled out it's metro service with residents being nostalgic about
not getting an opportunity to pee on the tracks.
Apple has
finally after much furore launched another phone with bluetooth connectivity
with all other brands of phones much to the disappointment of 'cousins in Amreeka' who will have to smuggle
iPhones in dozens to India during the holiday season.
Lovely
Professional University,Punjab has FINALLY started employing a 'few' Indian professors contrary to their TV
advertisements.(Have heard the college is so modern that the kids abuse also in English. #InTeriMaaKiAaankhWeBelieve )
Real estate
developers across the nation have finally realized that it makes no point to
use words like 'state of the art amenities, spa, temperature controlled swimming
pool, diamond encrusted door knobs' in their ads coz at the end of the day
their creme de la creme clients will have only 1 question in their minds 'Toilet indian
hai ya western??'
It's
disheartening to find that even after years of abolishment of apartheid, south
indians are still called madrasis regardless of which part of south India they
belong to.
India TV has
still not got over their fetish of reporting aliens abducting Indian cows.
Pakistan has
appointed a hotter external affairs minister than Hina Rabbani Khar thereby causing
many divorce cases in homes of indian ministers.
Signing off with this lil glimpse into the coming years! Wish you all a Happy & prosperous year ahead!! Keep trolling!!
